Being-Single

 

Love it or hate it, but you just can't ignore it.

Love it or hate it, you just can’t ignore it.

So its the same wicked 14 feb again. Some people must have been busy preparing for it since like, forever. Some must be very happy and some might be sad. But for some, it’s the same old story every year. Valentine day creeps out many– Guys wallet, obnoxious parents, moral police to name a few. Of-course don’t forget to count people who link it to children’s day, scheduled exactly after 9 months.

Tired of being single?

Tired of being single?

But its real victim seems to be a large group of people, tagged as singles. People who updates their Facebook status, hang out with friends, read or write blogs like me,  and celebrate their single-hood in every way possible that could satisfy them that they are not all alone on this wicked day.  So today, lets know more about the stages of evolution of being single.

 

Stage 1 : Single – arity

What about me???

What about me???

This is the very first stage of one’s life. Its the longest one too. This is the stage when we blindly believe whatever our parents tell us. That “thou shall only concentrate on thy studies” and “Thou shall never indulge in a relationship with a girl/boy of your age group except brother-sister relation”. Love by family members alone is sufficient to be happy in life.

Anyone you meet having similar interests and likes, becomes a friend. Animosities are short lived and soon forgotten. At this stage people are very comfortable in their “little bubble world” around them. Then, something happens. The bubble bursts.

 

 

Stage 2 : Being Con – fused

Geez! Mathematics is comparatively easy than love!

Geez! Mathematics is comparatively easy than love!

Welcome to the jungle of confusion, teenage has arrived. At this stage, your hormones starts to make you dance in your dreams. You notice some people are engaging in weird unheard conversations with people of opposite sex, while the word “sex” itself is tabooed.

He smiles alot, she giggles too often and both of them start to annoy you. Your friends, starts to spend more time with this new found friend of thiers. Once which was a large group of friends, now starts to segregate into couplings. If you complain about it to them you get the classic you-don’t-know-how-it-feels slap on your face. A fear daunts you that may the stupid cupid forgot about you. And before you realize what has happened, you are single. Worse, alone in your group.

 

 

 

Stage 3: The “Ready To Mingle”

In light of your newly acquired knowledge, you acknowledge that its time for you to taste the long forbidden enticing fruit of love, yourself. This category of singles is the largest and the most dangerous of all, as at this stage people are simply naïve.

They don’t know where to start, where to go, what to do and more importantly, what not to do.

Yo! let's take a giant leap, I might get lucky and land on moon perhaps.

Yo! let’s take a giant leap, I might get lucky and land on the moon perhaps.

In simple words, they are under a huge social pressure and are just desperate. Desperate to find the perfect, forever-lasting love at first sight , as fed to them by novels, television, and movies. Especially by love songs & quotes.

(Don’t worry , we all have been there my friend.)

Most lacks patience and struggles to find the perfect match, while a few shuffle through many options available to them, refusing to believe that their own standards are way too high to find someone suitable for them. They can’t accept themselves that they are not someone else’s perfect match either.

Sometimes at  this stage people starts to believe that some of their perceived flaws might be true, so they whine.

“Why me? What’s wrong with with me? Why is everyone else more attractive or charming than me?”

“Why is she/he attracted to that jerk /slut and not me? “

“How is it that people so ugly got this much lucky? “

“What the hell… Even she/he has a bf/gf !”

The “Ready To Mingle”stage is the shortest, but contrary to stage 1 , it seems to be the longest.

 

Stage 4:  “Its Complicated”

Honey, its a maze!

Honey, its a maze!

So finally you have find someone or rather they find you. But you are in a grey area stage, where you don’t know what hell is happening. The world around you seems to be very beautiful, you seems to be enjoying it and you don’t care about labeling it in public. But deep inside you declare yourself to be in love.

You can’t say that you are single anymore, but you aren’t in relationship either. So you tell everyone that “Its Complicated”.

( Yeah! Right! )

You think your dream has finally come true. Non-stop love music plays in the background of your head. It’s the la-la land for lovebirds. You get butterflies in your stomach and others make puke faces looking at you.

But blinded by love you don’t see them, or unknowingly ignore them. Even though knowing everything, believing self-made lies and discarding truths. This is the stage of denial.

This stage could last for just few days or years, it all depends on you. Time tickles away very slowly and a bomb awaits to explode.

 

Stage 5: Neither “Single” nor “Taken”

 

Do I have any other option? Does this come in a different color??

Do I have any other option? Does this come in a different color??

This is the most enounced stage amongst the majority of singles. The honeymoon is over by this stage, and the sweet “hunny bunny pumpkin” love songs starts to irritate you now. The sweet dream has turned into a bitter nightmare. You tell the world, how expectations hurts, how true love pains and how it’s an ache you wish you had never gone through.

Every tragic movie you see, every sad song you hear, seems to resonate with your own story. You claim that it has transformed you, as you gave everything to your relationship but received very little. But after multiple breakups, patch-ups and heartbreaks, you get to use to it.

Some “ready to mingles” would even try to sympathize with you and to promote themselves from stage 3 to other high stages .

The stage 5 is harsh and it often leaves you with a low self esteem and a feeling of emptiness within.

 

Stage 6: Single, by choice.

This stage is the mixture of aggression and depression, followed by optional introspection.

At this stage, you become grumpy and assume that its better to be single (or at least you try to show that). You highlight the benefits of being single by pointing out all the negatives of relationships. Aggressively justifying yourself by turning a blind eye towards all the good things about relationships. Often ending up bragging about being happily single in most conversations, in a lame attempt to reassure yourself that you are better off relationships. But in reality you are not. Because if you were, you will not continuously repeat the phrase “Happily Single” 24×7. Would you???

No thanks, I have learnt everything about love.

No thanks, I have learnt everything about love.

An epiphany hits you and you realize that you aren’t the King / Queen of the world and your royal qualities are not so royal by other’s point of view.  So you cringe, cry and  believe that you are going to be forever alone. But the story does not ends here. Life ki picture abhi baaki hai mere dost.

This is a high time to take a break. From all the stupid things you had done in your past. You need to get out of past, without towing it along to your future .

You might believe that if you get into a perfect relationship, everything would be fine. You would be finally happy! It’s a lie, you are telling yourself. The truth is, it has to be done for you, by you. No one else can do it for you, no matter how much they want to. This is the most crucial stage of your life. It is the time for self-reflection. It is the time for introspection. Its time for healing. Do not settle for an easy answer, find the solution. Find what you really want. Find peace, within.

 

 

 

Stage 7:  Forever alone Or Free forever?

This is the ultimate stage of one’s love life. The best thing about it is, you can choose how your rest of life is gonna be.

If you believe that you had have enough of drama in your life, that if someone else decides for you, you won’t get in trouble, then you can play safe and hide yourself behind the fake smiles and hollow relations to make your life easier, only it won’t.

Is it dawn or dusk?

Is it dawn or dusk?

On the other hand, if you are willing to learn from your mistakes and to get different results than your past, you have to change accordingly. You have to adapt accordingly.

The choice is always ours, both choices will yield happiness and sadness on very different levels. Its your life, choose wisely. Keep in mind, you can not blame whatever happens to you on others. Forgiveness and acceptance is the key to be happy. To have something truly great, you always have to face great challenges and this applies to everything in life. If its not truly worth trying, then nothing is.

So there you have it, the 7 different stages of being single. Keep in mind, these stages are not age specific, rather they are knowledge specific. The more you claim to know, the lesser you can learn.If you can’t be happy being single, you will never be happy being with someone.

Being single is not a curse, but people turn it into one deliberately. Its not the end of the world. There are more severe problems out there; food and shelter for instance. Being single gives you time to be yourself, for yourself.

Being single does not mean to be afraid of love. Its more about being open to love. Even if you’re single, you still have so much to love. Being single doesn’t have to mean being alone; you still have family and good friends. Being single is about focusing on yourself. Something better will surely come along in life if you believe in yourself.

My life, My choice. So I choose...

My life, My choice. So I choose…

Remember, our thoughts makes us sad, our thoughts makes us happy, our thoughts makes us what we truly are. You can not control your thoughts, but you can choose them. If you won’t let go of your past, then its impossible to appreciate your present, forget about the future. Accept past with all memories, but don’t cling to it. Learn from it.

Sometimes its good to change. Sometimes, It’s only when everything you once own is lost, you find out who you truly are.

Life is all about having a balance. Where there is love, there will be pain. Where there is darkness, there will be light. Where there is light, there will be shadows. The best thing to do is to turn towards light, rather than to shadows. The best thing is to start over.

I won’t lie to you and I don’t want to mislead you. Its true that these things are easy to say than to do. But it is not impossible. Bad things happens in life and it takes time to heal. It takes time to adapt. So I leave you with what really matters:

 

 

 

“Being single is not just a random status. It is about state of mind that describes a person who is living  truly and enjoying independence .Who is open to new experiences and looking  forward to what life has to offer  with arms wide open. So I admit, I’m single. Are You too?”

 

Happy valentines day to all singles.

-Rohan Rathore

(seekerohan@rohanrathore.com)

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About Rohan Rathore

Rohan Rathore is an India-based lifestyle writer. He is also a blogger on http://www.RohanRathore.com. When he is not writing, he enjoys meditating, yoga, music, learning new skills, and connecting with new people. Connect with him @seekerohan on twitter and at facebook.com/seekerohan on Facebook.

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